Write Thru Lit

Rough draft of Poem for a lady whose voice I like

Let’s call the “she”, Elena and let’s call the he “Zacharia”.

“You ain’t got no talent

if you didn’t have a face

you wouldn’t be nobody”

His words kept replaying in my head. God, I hated his voice. Every time I hear it. But nope. I won’t let him get to me. He doesn’t know any better, he rather spends his days eating and belting at how I am merely an object rather than a person than to say something nice. 

I had come home from work tired from a 13-hour shift. I place my jacket in the closet to my right and leave my keys on the counter. Seinfield was on and Zach was opening a beer, and some drips to the floor but he pays no attention. Zacharia and I had been together for 20 years now and I can’t remember the last time I saw a smile on his face. It was probably when we had first moved into the apartment we live in now but since then, his smile was gone. He’d been working at the laundromat down the block until it closed and got replaced by the burger shack he is now a daily customer from. There was no money coming in, and the bills piled up. I had lost track of the last time he left his house besides to grab a smoke and a burger with his boys. 

He was on the couch when I had come home mumbling about how Lenny, our next door neighbor had wanted some dancing girls for his show at the bar that following Saturday. 

“Lenny came by. He wants you on his show. I said you’d do it for 80 per show. Understand?”.

“Excuse me?”

“What do you mean you said I’d do it? “Understand?” 

“Zacharia, I will not let myself be the very thing I am against. I won’t be dancing for anyone no matter how badly we need the money. Now, do you understand me?

I am not just some ‘body’ you can control. I will not be one of those girls”.

He lets his beer down and gets up. God, he smelled like sweat. He looked like he hadn’t showered in days and began to start yelling. “What do you mean you won’t do it? You ungrateful prick. I got you a job. One show can finally pay off that damn cell phone bill of yours. I told Lenny you’d do it, and you will. Now go set dinner and go talk to Lenny and get more details. I don’t want to hear it anymore”.

Before I could speak, he had left the room. He walks into the bathroom and as the door closes I hear;

“You ain’t got no talent

if you didn’t have a face

you wouldn’t be nobody”

What three things do you want to ask your peers about your work?

Do you guys like the plot? Is there anything you think I can do to help with my writing, I usually have a problem with sounding way too general and my vocabulary is weak. What do you think of the characters so far?

What three things are your favorite about your fan fic?

I’m not going to lie, maybe this is me since I am the one writing this it was easy to picture the setting and plot for this as soon as I read the poem. I love my character elena & i also love how i will soon be showing elena’s growth with self-confidence and empowerment. 

What three things are you unsure of? I am unsure of how to transition within my writing. I also fear I won’t find good placements to use some of the poem’s dialogue. I also don’t exactly know how to continue this without rambling so much about one thing, so i need to work on that. 

Growing up in the south in the early 1900’s can be tough for a person who is a person of colored specialty when there’s Jim Crow Laws and no rights for anybody who is not white. My people just getting torture, kidnaped and even getting killed all because of our color of skin. But also, if you’re a woman, it can be really hard for people to respect you. There’s no rights for women as we can’t vote and do other stuff like men. Sometimes I wished I was white and a male. I could do so much stuff, but only one can imagine such thing. Growing up as women of the church have realized that everything happens for a reason. If the lord made me green or yellow, then it was for some reason and I should be grateful for the person he created.

When going to school, I was so happy to go to school as I would learn so much things especially science class when we learned about space. I was always a big nerd, I would be top of my class, I would also get 100’s on every test. But the class I enjoyed the most had to be science. I can talk endless hours about space and how there’s millions and millions of planets out there but maybe some other time. I always wonder how long it must have taken G-d to create those planets. I always wanted to be a scientist, so I can work and study space.

Coming home was not my favorite part of the day because that’s when reality struck in. I was always glad to see my parents and my brothers, but it was the conditions that we were living that made me hate life. My house was very small and was made out of any material we can use. When it would rain, there would just be water pouring in from the roof but at least we had a roof over my head. We have two rooms, one of the room is the kitchen/living room and the other room was my parents, brother, and me. It was crowed but I like that because I was with my family and I felt save. We also have land where we grow a range of vegetables. We usually grow them to eat but sometimes we have to sell them to make money. I like when we don’t have to sell crops because when we don’t we eat like kings, but that rarely happens.

I love my family as they are the reason they keep me going. My dad is the best dad in the world as, I’m his favorite one. He has taught me so much stuff. But sadly, he is missing one hand. He says that it was an accident, but I don’t believe, I know what really happened. Then there’s my mom who I love and admire. She is a strong woman, sometimes I think she’s stronger then my dad. She works, cleans and cooks. Then there’s my older brother who is the best. When my dad is not at the house he takes the role of being my dad/brother. He dropped out of school to work at the farm. I know I had to drop out of school to work in the farms, but my brother dropped out, so I wouldn’t have to, and for that I’m truly grateful. I always thought to myself that I would be somebody important who would earn enough money, so I would help my family out, but at that time it would be something that I thought would never happen.

After graduating from school with perfect grade, a nice gentleman came to me and asked me to study at their university. But I didn’t want to go because we didn’t have enough

money for college. But he started to laugh, and he then said that it would be paid for free. At first, I didn’t believe him but after asking him 100 times if it was a joke, he said no. I was so happy that I went to hug my family and told them that “You guys are the reason why I keep going”. The day before I left to college, I spent the whole day thinking about my family and I don’t want to let them down. When it was the day to leave I told them “I would not let you down guys”. When I went to school I only saw white males and I just saw everybody staring at me like if had something on my face, but it was just the fact that my skin color was different from them. When I would want to raise my hand, people would just make fun of me. I was upset that people didn’t respect, this one time this person just wrote whore at my door. But that really didn’t stop me as I got every 100 on every test and I would often make my professors happy, but they were too scared to show their feelings for a person of colored. As time pass everybody respected me because they saw who was as a person. After graduating one of my favorite professor had told me they had a job at NASA, I couldn’t describe how happy I was. I accept the job and I couldn’t wait to start.

It was 1950’s and it was the space race. We were in a race with the USSR to see who was the better country. Me and two other ladies were working on how to launch a rocket at right angle. After cracking the answer, we were applauded because of our work and that made me the happies person ever.

After arguing with this ignorant man, I concluded that all people who judges a person because the way they look are really ignorant people. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I have no talent. They also have no idea what I have done to be where I’m today. The only one who can judge me is G-d.

The compact mirror held to her face closed with a snap, and now Sapphire was there again, alone. She took her mind off of her internal dialog and back to her curtain call ensemble. The makeup artfully applied, with thick black cat’s eye mascara. Her false lashes bloomed out of the bouquet of red eyeshadow and rosy blush like shadowy lilies. The magic was done, and Sapphire fought the urge to once more stare and scrutinize her reflection as she adjusted her corset. The squish of her breasts made the oh so pleasant slurping sounds that only a concert of silicone and leather produced when tightly pulled together, sending unnerving yet strangely satisfying vibrations through the mouth into the teeth. Two fingers reaffirmed that her tuck was secured by the pieces of duct tape pulled up between the behind of her, and her platform heels reaffirmed Sapphire’s already towering height as she trotted toward the dressing room door. Today, she’d won an argument many years formed. Today, she filled herself with all 4 of those women Nina sang for. No one could shame her for the parts she lacked, nor the life she lived. The pumping bass queue of music, and the cheers of a crowd not far from the door, solidified the words of her spirit. Sapphire was full, she reminded herself; she no longer hungers.

“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts”

Shakespeare may have made the quote, but Sapphire lived it. Her gyrations could turn from sensual provocation to  action packed acrobatics, then into a full modern ballet interpretation- all the while perfectly syncing her lips to a Madonna tune. Like a chameleon that had mastered every palette of the rainbow, She moved through her audience and wowed them all into roaring applause or silent catharsis at her whim. Indeed, she knew her craft, and how to sell it to eyes of her gazers. This night was like any other at Giovanni’s Leg Lounge, another curtain call from chanting patrons. It wasn’t until Sapphire re-entered the brightly lit stretch of stage, her now trademarked “Queen-of-England” smile and wave routine brought to a halt, did she notice a difference. In the haze of forms and noise, a pair of eyes too familiar to pass unnoticed- too cold not to freeze her- nearly glowed  from the back of the darkness of the bar. Habit brought her attention to his glare, so used to receiving a lovers embrace from the distance; a final acknowledgement that permitted her to be worthy of the praise her drunken disciples poured onto her. The stare was no longer one of permission. It sat on her like two boulders blocking the exit to a cave, and stilled her movement in the pitch of its malice. Awkward as it was, amidst a crowd still oblivious to her present circumstance, Sapphire locked eyes with her misery, removed her mind from her present, and traveled back in time;  back to her contouring away the bruises and bite marks on her face in her little mirror. “Sapphire was full”, the mantra leaped out in a whisper. The words held back tears and re-formed her smile. A gesture to the MC for a mic, as she usually did to express gratitude to her adorers after a short returning number, came a little too early for her audience. Cheers transitioned to chatter, yet Sapphire knew how keep them: a strong step forward with an angled hip, her pose accented by a hand on the hip while the other perched the mic firmly to her her lips. still staring hotly into the beyond, Sapphire spoke “a towel, please, Nikki”. The MC quickly served a more-or-less clean towel to Sapphires once hipped hand, and with the calmness of a hurricanes eye, Sapphire began to speak.

“So he said: you ain’t got no talent, if you didn’t have a face you wouldn’t be nobody”, and as the spoke she wiped her cheeks and eyes, exposing teeth marks and bruising. The audience heaved a gasp; every mouth fell silent. “and she said: god created heaven and earth, and all that’s Black within them”. Her smile never left, though her inner mantra was losing its grip on her tears. They welled up, and yet her voice kept strong. This moment was hers. She had to complete this. “So he said: you ain’t really no hot shit, they tell me plenty sisters  take care better business than you. And she said: on the third day he made chitterlings, and all good things to eat and said: “that’s good”. A little chuckle here and there from the audience, and then Sapphires voice began to boom. “So he said: if the white folks hadn’t been under yo skirt and been giving you the big play you’d a had to come on uptown like everybody else”. a bit of silence, just to clear the laughter and let her words set in. The eyes she leered at winced, its glow dimmed. “She replied: then he took a big Black greasy rib from adam and said we will call this woeman and her   name will be sapphire”. The crowd erupted with ringing cheers as she proclaimed herself. Her adversary now a shadow lurching out of the door whose light made his silhoet. Sapphire continued as she reviled in her victory, “and she will divide into four parts, that simone may sing a song”. The tears were flowing freely, from both performer and audience. The MC rushed to the stage and held Sapphires free hand. By now the towel had fallen to the floor, laid between them like a bloody rag holding the sacrifice of all it took to survive her abuse, to become whole again. Sapphire cleared her throat, and with a voice choked by tear, yet calmed by release, she finished: “and he said: you pretty full of yourself ain’t chu”. The audience did laugh again, the kind of laughter that supported as much as it enjoyed. Sapphire had to smile herself. She closed her eyes as she did, holding tightly to the MCs two hands in hers. “So she replied”, she pronounced, giving each word a prayerful pace, “show me someone not full of herself and i’ll show you a hungry person”.

The last line echoed into the minds of each listener, then was replaced by the reverberation of hollers and claps, and name chanting. Sapphire still had her eyes closed, now cradled in the arms of her presenter. No sound was louder in her ears than her own inner voice, still proclaiming her selfhood.

“Sapphire is full, she no longer hungers.”

A few months earlier, the lady had just landed in the neighborhood. Having come from a poverty stricken family, it is quite obvious that she was meant to be the bread winner after the death of her parents in a street shoot-out. With no one to turn to for help to raise her little sister who was still in high school, the streets were the definite next of kin for her. She moved to the new city in the hope that life would be better until she found herself downtown selling her body for a living. Life had really shown her its back and it was definitely her against the otherwise unfair world.

The lady was quickly becoming a favorite of the clients and the fact that she was a no-nonsense lady gave her the nickname ‘Iron.’ Nobody knew that she only had herself and a sister who depended entirely on her. Clients loved her for her professionalism and it is quite obvious that this earned her enemies within the circles. She had very few friends and it is not once that she had to evade the fight with the other girls. Landing food on the table was her utmost priority and not even a jealous ‘colleague’ or the pinching cold, or even the nights of storms could stop her. Iron was a girl on a mission – to ensure her sister was comfortable.

This Tuesday evening she was out on the streets going about her business. Just them she was approached by a man who was just out of her league by all means. He was black, not driving, and definitely raised in the ghetto from the way he talked. She outright formed an opinion. He was not going to have her by any means. He was not even polite enough to throw a random ‘hi’ before he started his conversation. A moment of silence between them showed just how apart they had grown. She tried to remember where she had seen the face but she could not quite place it. Iron turned to move away and he grabbed her rather roughly. His grip was firm and his eyes were searching, perhaps for the right words to tell her. She writhed in pain as his grip got harder and the pain became more. She was not going to have him treat her like that. A scuffle ensued and seeing the imminent scene that was looming, he let go and she walked to a darker part of the street as he followed her quite too ‘faithfully’ and she instinctively stopped on her tracks.

Iron had seen the face quite too often when she went around uptown with friends. They streets were dingy and she swore she could smell ‘poverty’ all around – after all she had grown up in it and knew quite well the all familiar smell of it. However, she was not willing to let this short recollection of the streets to give her up – she was not going to let this man have her. He would look at her and sometimes she swore that she could see him muttering a word to the guys next to him. Once in a while she would see them pointing at her and whisper in low tones.

As the moment passed, the man gave a wry smile. He had finally got her. He grinned rather triumphantly as he sized her from head to toe and nodded his head as if in approval for his ‘meat.’ She could see the rest of the girls stealing glances her direction and whispering among themselves. She could feel the eyes on her as she stood there rather uncomfortably and with all her guards up. She could not let him mishandle her again and she could feel his wicked gaze all over her. She looked straight ahead into the busy lane across from her and she wished the world could break open to swallow her. She remembered the death of her parents and how she found herself in this position. She thought of her sister at home, probably sound asleep or even doing her homework, or out with friends. She really did not care what she was doing at the moment except that she was alive, okay, and comfortable.

In the world afore, during 1880, a girl named X who is “she” in the poem got separated from her mother and worked as a slave in a palace. Her boss is the richest family in that country and they owned schools,hospitals and so on. They had many slaves working for them. When her boss told her,”X! you can stay in this palace and get to sleep here” there wasn’t no happiness in her face because she was full of depressed and missed her mother. she got her own tiny room where she has to share with other slave members and she doesn’t get along with other slave members.

One day on her way to the garden she found a small room full of used textbooks and newspaper and said to herself,”what are these use for?” from that day onward she went to that room secretly every day to explore about those books and from there she got a knowledge about the world. Every day she sits alone near the window and watches everyone playing outside or going out with their parents. “Why couldn’t i be free and be like everyone with my parents?”, says X(She).

At one point, she got really depressed and had a dream about her mother every night  and woke up crying. At the age of 15 she tried to commit suicide. Knowing this her owner decided to send her to his own school as a half time student. So, she can get relief from her depression and she won’t think about committing suicide again. Her owner came up with this decision so he won’t get in trouble if she commit suicide. So, he asked, “do you want to go to school as a half time student?” She was surprised after hearing this from her owner. She replied, “yes, i would love to but..” “but what?” said the owner. “is it possible for me to attend school?” said the girl. By reading the used textbooks, she knew that African American are not allowed to get educations. Her boss replied, “don’t worry it’s my school so you would be able to attend school.”

On the first day of school, she got bullied and it made her depressed even more and she didn’t have anyone to share her feelings with after going home. On the second day, when she went to school the same thing happened again. She plead everyone to leave her alone. A dominate voice came from behind the crowd, “everyone leave her alone” said Y (“he”). That was the first time X met Y. Y helped her out from bullying and made her feel like she is also like one of them. she doesn’t know that Y is her owner’s son and he doesn’t know X works in his house.

They both met every day in school and even outside the classroom. At one point they realized that they both were in love and he planned of proposing X. So, he asked for her address and that’s how he came to know that X lives in his house as a slave. After knowing this he started to like her even more. His parents came to know about this and warned him to forget her but he didn’t listen to them. Finally, his parents threaten him and said, “if you don’t forget her, then i will kill her” so, he didn’t know what to do so he started to avoid her. They both met each other after a week. X asked him ” why aren’t you talking to me? are you avoiding me?” so he said, “you ain’t got no talent if you didn’t have a face you wouldn’t be nobody” and she said, “god created heaven and earth and all that’s Black within them” so he said, “you ain’t really no hot shit they tell me plenty sisters take care better business than you” this made her heart broken and felt alone again. When they went apart, tears rolled from Y’s eyes and said to himself, ” i hope one day you will get to know that i did all these things to save your life from my parents.”

I want to know if my story is well developed and has consequence? or do i have add more details?

what’s my favorite in my fan fiction is, i like the way how i made connection with history.

i’m not sure if my story is well developed.

Jaylin Pinguil

(The Walking Dead and The Fear)

My fanfic is based off a book series where children ages 4 to 15 are struggling to survive after a illness took over all of London. If you are 16 or older you get sick, die and come back as a “sicko” as most children call them. Just like in the Walking Dead the dead are called walkers. (The term “zombie” doesn’t exist in either worlds.) The main characters will be Ed (age 16), who is captain of the Tower of London, Maxie (age 14) who is also a fighter and leader. Then there is Chris (age 14) he not a fighter more of a bookworm and Little Sam (age 10). There will be other characters but have little roles. From the walking dead it will be Rick.

    As Ed stood at the top of the Tower monitoring the other kids below he felt a wave of relief fall over him. He couldn’t believe that the war was over. After defeating King David and taking over the Tower of London, he and all the other kids were finally safe. No longer would they have to run from danger, the walls around the tower kept them safe from the sickos outside. But reality soon made its presence in his mind as he looked down at the kids digging at the dirt. They were running low on food and trying to grow their own was proving to be more difficult than they thought. Sure they had books that explained how to ready the soil, plant the seeds and when to harvest but it wasn’t enough. All the fighting and destruction took its toll on the crops and regrowing everything wasn’t easy. Even the daily scouting parties that left the safety of the tower to look for supplies haven’t been able to find much. Sure sometimes they were lucky enough to find a stray dog to bring back, but it’s meat wasn’t enough to feed all the kids at the tower. There were over a hundred kids living there, soon everyone would starve and weaken. Ed had to find a way to regain control of the situation, especially with the little time he had left. As he continued to think of a way he heard a pair of footsteps approach him. He turned around only to see Maxie and Small Sam trailing behind her.

Maxie: Hi Ed, how is everything up here? Have you spotted any sickos wondering too close to the towers walls?

Ed: Yeah I’ve noticed two mothers and a father coming up the rear earlier but the fighters took them out already. But I’m not really worried about the sickos. ( turns his attention back to the kids below.)

Maxie: (follows Ed’s gaze) I’m worried about the food shortage too but we have to keep looking maybe there are spots we haven’t checked that may have supplies.

Ed: We’ve already checked everywhere, and I’m not letting anyone go out too far we can’t afford to lose anymore kids.

Maxie: But we can’t just sit around and do nothing! We have to keep looking. If you don’t want to lose kids then let me go.

Ed: Your place is here giving commands to the other kids and keeping their hopes up. What if you don’t come back? You know as well as I do that leaving the tower without a group is suicide. And even if you managed to stay safe where would you look?

Maxie: I was thinking…of going to the..no go zone..

Ed: Maxie no. I have already made it clear to everyone at our last meeting that no one is to go there. It’s off limits.

Maxie: Ed I know that part of the town is off limits because there are so many sickos that resign there but I’m positive that there would be supplies.  If no one goes there, there should be untouched canned food or much needed medication.

Ed:(remains silent.)

Maxie: Either way it better if only one person goes, and I’m pretty sure no one else is willing to volunteer.

Ed: Without the support of a group do you really think you’ll make it?

Maxie: If a group of fighters came with me chances are they wouldn’t make it. Remember that large group of kids that passed by here a few weeks ago?

Ed: yeah there was about thirty of them, they went south of the no go zone.

Maxie: Out of thirty only three came back barely alive….

Ed:(gets irritated) And you think compared to a large group like that, that you’ll magically make it back?

Maxie: If I go on my own I won’t have to worry about keeping other kids safe, it’ll be easier for me run and hide.

Ed:….Maxie, we will find a better way. The younger ones look up to you as a mother figure. If they lose you it’ll be like losing their mothers all over again.

Small Sam: (steps forward, hugging Maxie’s arm tightly) please Maxie don’t go.

Maxie: (Turns to hug Little Sam) I don’t want to leave you but I also don’t want to see you and the other kids slowly starve to death. It’s my job to make sure all of you are well taken care of, I would make any sacrifice to keep you alive. Right now we are out of options and places to look.

Small Sam: Did you check all of the nearby shops and houses?

Ed: Yes, but every time we try and go out further we are always ambushed by sickos or only find empty shops.

Little Sam: Did you check the small green house a few miles north?

Maxie: (quickly stepping back from Little Sam) What green house?

Small Sam: Before I found the Tower of London I passed by a small green house, I would have looked inside for food but it was well boarded up. Apart from that there was a horde of sickos chasing me!

Maxie:(turns to Ed) We should go and take a look!

Ed: Sam are you sure you saw a green house maybe you were mistaken.

Small Sam: I’m sure I saw it.

Ed: But we have gone looking north and never found a green house.

Small Sam: That’s because it’s secluded from the other buildings and there were a lot of trees and plants that had grown around it.

Maxie: Ed we have to go maybe we’ll find something, it shouldn’t be too far and Small Sam could lead us there.

Ed: Maxie I’m not sure what-

Maxie: Ed before you start lecturing me remember we are almost out of food. The rations for everyone is getting smaller and smaller. Come on it’s time to take a risk.

Ed: Ok ok. Fine but I’m going with you, and tell Jordan to have someone cover my shift until we come back. We are only taking five fighters. (Turning to Small Sam) you’ll be leading the group today.

    Walking towards the towers gate the small group of eight waited for the go ahead. It was a safety percussion that before the gate was to be open guards had to make sure there were no sickos nearby who may try to enter and hurt the kids working outside. With the front cleared the gates are quickly opened and shut leaving  Ed and his group outside. Small Sam makes his way to Ed at the front while Maxie covers the end. The kids begin marching with hope in their hearts that they might finally have a break.

 She is not the same person she was. On some level, she understands that something fundamental had changed. Words can be roads, bridges that connect A to B. But words can also be walls that separate and isolate. Words can be both things at the same time. A word can have more than one meaning. A word can have opposite effects. He said, “time off”. She heard “time off”. The dictionary describes “off” as “away from the place in question; to or at a distance”. So, why did “time off” came out of his lips as a road, and got to her ears as a wall? 

We tend to trust dictionaries. She did. What reason would she have not to? The words contained in a dictionary are a dogma. But now she found herself questioning this rigid notion encased in this hard box we call a dictionary. Does “off” have the same meaning for him that it has for me?  

He was very confused. He merely suggested an innocent truce. I was hard to believe that they knew each other for so long, but now they were complete strangers to each other. They grew up in the same neighborhood, went to the same school and shared many friends. But right now, they spoke two different languages. English can be tricky that way. Words are not constrained by the meaning that a dictionary assigns them. They take new forms as we assign content and context to them. He was learning that the hard way. A misunderstanding? That would be an understatement. He meant what he said, but he was sure he didn’t mean what she heard.  

Neither one of them could summon the courage to bring it up again. They kept frequenting the same places, the same friends, the same spaces. But something was radically different. Their relationship changed. They were different.  

The space between them grew larger with time, a gap increasingly harder to bridge. Words could have brought them back together, but once the distance was too great, they had the opposite effect. They used them as a weapon to hurt each other. His, were blunt and heavy, like a mace. Relentless. With a heavy head that delivered powerful blows. Hers were sharp and acute, but not like a sword. More like barbed wire. A fence that surrounded her in every direction. A defense mechanism that both protected and isolated her at the same time. No one was allowed inside. She couldn’t get out either.  

With time, he got used to it. Others around him shared the same code, the same language. His words connected him to the people around him.  

She, on the other hand, grew apart from everyone around her. A castaway in a lonely island. Her only escape was to find a way out to a foreign place where a (metaphorically) different language was the norm. In time, she also found other allies. People who shared her language, but not her origin.  

That afternoon, when they ran into each other again, the distance that separated them gained a life of its own. A cold and distant greeting was followed by polite, meaningless small talk. And, on the surface, everything might have seemed fine. But tension was building up. One word out of place and that delicate balance between politeness and tension would crumble, giving place to a new war of words.  

¨How are you? I haven’t seen you around here in a while”, he said. “The days are evil, and I have to make the best use of my time”, she replied. So he said: you ain’t got no talent… 

I’d like to ask my classmates what do they think about the story, if it’s easy to read, and what would they change about it? 

My favorite things about the fanfic are the tone of the story, the remaining mysterious circumstances that drove them to the current situation and the possibilities that are still open.  

I’m not so sure about the language in general, and if maybe I should be more specific about details about the characters and their past.  

“Poem For a Lady Whose Voice I Like” By Nikki Giovanni Fanfiction

I was not looking forward to going to my first day of college tomorrow. You see, no one in my town actually goes to college because they value work more than education. This life wasn’t for me. Ever since I was little I loved reading books and my mother would go above and beyond to make sure I had new books to read. My mother is basically the only one whose supportive of my decision to go to college and I am okay with that because she’s the only one that matters to me.

So, going to college tomorrow is going to be a big step towards my future. I’m all packed up and now I’m just waiting for the time to come. I’ve heard great things about college from my teachers and I really hope it’s as great as they told me it is. My teachers always told me they knew I was destined for more and now here I am, bags packed and a college education waiting for me.

The day has come to go off to pursue my future. My mom walked me out towards the cab that was waiting for me. We said our goodbyes and I hugged her for a long time and told her I would be back as a better person and that we’d be able to go to a new house. She laughed at my comment and gave me my blessing and with that I got into the cab that drove me to the bus stop which was a little out of town.

The ride to the bus stop was even worse than the night I had. I think I had more nerves now that my mom isn’t with me and I am on my own. All this was hitting me right now and all I wanted to do was make the cab turn around and run to my mother’s arms.

“We’re here miss” said the cab driver. I snapped back into reality and got out of the cab.

I grabbed my bag, thanked the driver and went to the bus station.

As I went into the bus station many people stared at me, for it was the news of the town that a girl like myself was going to college. I walked quickly avoiding the glares that people threw at me. I got my bus ticket and was waiting for the bus to come so I decided to buy a donut and wait by the stop.

I was opening my donut from its package when a man comes up to me. I don’t even want to say what he said but coming from a man like that I am not surprised. He looked down upon me going to college just like everyone else in this town. He went as far as to tell me that I consider myself to have the privilege of those white folks. I responded the way my mother taught me, with respect because a lady should never let herself go.

After this man walked away my bus arrived. I chose the sit next to the window and stared at the plain grass as the bus drove towards its destination. I kept thinking how this man had the audacity to compare to me the white men just because I decided to pursue my education. It’s incredible what people will say to bring you down.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that man that came up to me at the bus station. His face seemed familiar, but I couldn’t put a name to the face and it was killing me. After a couple of hours of trying to remember who that man was, it hit me. I went to high school with him, but he left early because he had to take care of his siblings after his dad got sick. No one knew more about him after he left but I couldn’t believe he came up to me and spoke to me that way.

After getting settled in my college dorm I was getting ready to sleep but I kept trying to come up with an answer as to why that man came up to me acting like he knew me. We never talked in high school, yet he came up to me all confident and ready to blow.

A week has passed, and I always think about home. I think about my mother and of course the man from the bus stop. I finally came to a realization as to why he came up to me that day. I don’t like to think this way but perhaps he was a bit jealous of how my future turned out compared to his. Many of us at high school went through hard times but I never thought college was a competition it was more of an opportunity and if you wanted it you had to take it. Perhaps he was angry that he couldn’t reach for that opportunity but instead had to go straight to work to help his family. He’s not the first, in my town many people go to work instead of receiving an education, however, I don’t want to be like them.