Shakhrizoda Khazratkulova
- Does it connect or analyze “Brown Boy, White Boy”?
Yes, it indeed does. I believe that you made a beautiful connection between the spoken word and your poem. It is clearly seen that you got inspired by the fact that his way of saying that he is biracial and you decided to write about how America is economically maintained by people who are not just Americans.
- Is there phrases needs to be changed or removed?
I think it is great, however in my opinion there are some grammar mistakes that could be fixed. Other than that I think the poem is excellent and it completely explains and analyzes the idea of how everyone should be treated equally in America because it is a land that has always welcomed many people from different ethnicities.
- What is it there can do to improve?
I think you did really well, it surprises me how well you can write a poem based on this spoken word. I do not think you should change anything. As mentioned before you can change some grammar mistakes that we all have. But, I can’t think of anything else to tell you because for me. It is a really great piece that actually has a really deep meaning.
- Is there specific events that can be added?
Well, I do not think you should add specific events due to the fact that you are not writing an essay and adding some parts about the poem will probably confuse the reader. You have a really good topic, however I think you could maybe add that the past (history) did not depend on us and our looks or race do not define us, it is who we are as human beings that will make a change in today’s society.
- Does is send a clear message to the reader?
I think it is really clear, you let the reader know that America is the land for everyone. And that this country has always been there to help others, that there is no need to feel scared because we are all humans and we deserve equal treatment.
Tenzin Woesel
I think you are doing a great job analyzing each piece of the poem. However, I do think that you should pick three or four to analyze deeply and those could be your body paragraphs. Choosing specific parts of the spoken word can help you organize and put together your essay. You are saying that his identity for him is not defined because he wishes he had a manual to follow. Therefore, I think you should use the part when he says “Recalls posting a survey on Facebook in middle school asking how people categorized him that will determine his clothes, his music how he spoke”. This can actually prove your point when you are saying that he does not know which one he is. You can say that he is confused and you can use this quote to explain how he did not know whether he was white or brown and he asked people on Facebook in order to change himself, so he could meet the other people’s expectations about him.
Nice job supporting each other’s work, yall!!!