Tag: Assignment 1

Final Draft for Assignment 1

Links:-  Expectations    Pre-draft    Rough Draft      

People whose work I’ve peer reviewed: Katherine Celis and Luis Romero → (by email)

                       Artist Statement

  1. Who is your audience for this project? What do you want them to know before reading your piece?

My audience for this project is obviously my professor but also the people who believe that African American people are obliged to speak the perfect standard English. I want them to know that this is not the case.

  1. What do you want them to learn from your piece?

I want my audience to learn the other side of the argument, to hear the claim of the opposite party because every picture has two sides.

  1. Do you think they’ll be able to learn that? Why? Why not?

Hopefully, they will be able to do that because I’ve made some pretty strong points using actual events that have been occurred in the past.

  1. What unique perspective did you bring to your analysis that someone else might not have?

In terms of bringing a unique perspective to my project, I think I was able to do that by trying to imagine that all of these horrific things are happening to me. Although it is not really possible but it gave me an idea of how African American really feel regarding racial injustice.

  1. What did you learn through this project?

And speaking of what I learned from this project, I guess I have kinda learned how to build a whole project in small pieces. Because for this essay, first we gathered our expectations, then we talked about our main interests in the poem, and then we put down our thoughts in a raw shape. This mechanism really helped me making this project.

  1. What would you still like to learn?

In future, I would like to learn the counterclaim of other African American people who also believe that we need to speak the standard English language as a nation.

  1. What, if any, role did class discussions and your peers play in your project?

I have had a great help and continuous support from my classmates and my professor while doing this project, in terms of guiding me, correcting me and helping me to focus on main point.

  1. How has your thinking changed about poetry (if it has) since working on this project?

About the change in my views towards poems, I would say that I have learned the importance of poems and how much effective they are. Before this, I used to think that poems are just about choosing the words that sound same and using a same pattern for the whole poem, but now I know how a poem can be so helpful and convincing when you try to send your point across the hall.

  1. If you had another week to work on your project, what would you do with it? How would you change it?

If I had another week to work on my project, I would definitely discuss Steven’s rhetoric choices more. I guess I have already touched that in a very specific way. But he has selected every word in his poem with a hidden meaning behind it.

  1. The last thing you want to tell your audience before they dive into your project is?

The last thing that I want to tell my audience is that I don’t always a grip on my conclusion, I often feel like that I am not able to summarize my complete thoughts in conclusion but I am working on it.    

                            The Fight for Identity

In his spoken words “Ebonics 101”, Steven Willis has amazingly described the struggles of an African American person by combining it with his/her way of talking in a brilliant way. Steven has successfully managed to keep a theme throughout the whole poem that literally portraits a clear picture of how angry an African American person is because of a long history of racial injustice towards African American people, and how passionate he/she is about changing the stereotypical way an African American person is usually treated in our society.

      It is safe to say that in this poem, Steven has reached a new level of creativity and the ability to combine several great thoughts in just one sentence. The whole focus of the poem is to defend the slang language which is spoken by African American people. Steven has made it real clear that “Ebonics” is not just some street language. As he defined it in his own words, “Ebonics is the official language of the undefined black culture”. To establish his claim, he literally created three grammar lessons of “Ebonics”. The most impressive thing I found was how he connected those three rules to all the oppression and racial injustice that an African American person has been facing for over a century now. Like when he explained the first rule which stated that “any English word that holds an (in) combination, the (i) becomes an (a)”. To elaborate this rule, he gave and example of Dr. Martin Luther king Jr. This clearly proves my above claim that Steven created a strong link between the way African American people speak and the racial injustice against them. Steven did the exact same thing with other two lessons and made sure that his audience understand the fact that African American people intentionally speak the way they speak. They want to have their own identity, culture and language, not the one their oppressor “The White Person” has.

      Steven specifically gave the example of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr and other incidents that involved African American people to create a direct relationship between the racial injustice and discrimination against African American people and the way they chose to speak. He talked about Dr.King’s march in civil right movement so his audience can get a visual idea of all the atrocities African Americans had to put up with. He talked about Emmett Till calling for help in the same language when he mercilessly got killed  by inhumane Caucasian people, just because he had a different colored skin. He talked about Rodney King screaming, and telling those Caucasian police officers in the same language to stop beating him just because he had a different colored skin. He also talked about Trayvon Martin asking George Zimmerman in the same language, why he is following him  just before that bloodthirsty George shot him, because he had a different colored skin. This list goes on and on but the point is why Caucasian people want African Americans to speak their language when they don’t even accept their existence in their society.    

      To sum up, the main goal of Steven is to tell the world that the way African American people speak, it’s not just some street words. It is not just some slang. It is not a broken English. This is Ebonics. There is a whole culture behind it. A culture that represents their heritage, their century long struggle for their freedom, for their identity, for their rights and the fact that they are different from “the man“.

 

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The Prodigal Daughter has returned.

Artist Statement

  • I gave you my expectations handwritten.
  • I gave you my pre draft handwritten.
  • http://shorturl.at/aoAC4  (Rough draft)
  • I peer reviewed Mariela and Ayana’s piece.

My audience for this piece is mainly teens, but it can also go to anyone really. I want my readers to know that this is a person story, and that they might be able to connect to it. I want them to learn that mothers are a gift we have and we must learn how to appreciate it. I also want them to learn that many things can happen through life, but in the end it always makes you a better person. I honestly never thought I would be able to share my piece in front of the class, but I did. I truly believe they will learn this because every teenager goes through something, and a lot of people have been going through the depression face lately. Even if you are not going through any of these problems, everyone has problems with their parents. Something that I have is the poem in the end, a letter to my mom saying sorry. I also brought in a very deep personal assignment. I don’t think anyone did the letter towards the end for their mom, I got the idea from the “Dear Mum”. Something that I learned about myself while doing this is that I love to write. I never thought I would have fun writing, I also learned that I am able to share my story with the public. I would like to learn how to memorize my work and be able to present it. I was really nervous went I presented, I practiced but once I was standing in front of the class my mind went blank. Class discussions helped me write my piece because it got me really excited having the opportunity to write and share with my peers. Also being able to write it the way I wanted to was a great point. Like one of my classmates said, in high school poetry is just reading things like Shakespeare. This class actually got me into the spoken word, I didn’t know that YouTube had videos of this. I also didn’t know that poetry can be so interesting, deep, and fun to look at. If I had another week I probably would have practiced more to present it in a very emotional way without the papers. I want to make my audience feel it, and for them to try and see if they can be in my shoes for just that moment. Just another note before anyone reads this, is that my piece is very personal and I have no intentions of making it trigger anything. I do speak about delicate topics such as drugs, sex, and mental illness. Other than that please enjoy this personal essay and I hope you like it ! Karen Marin

The Prodigal Daughter has returned

The definition of a mother in society is “a woman in relation to her child”, this is very true but to me a mother is more than that. The problem is that most of the time we don’t appreciate them. The way this works is that, the mothers tell their children what’s right and wrong, of course we don’t listen, then we do something stupid/get in trouble and lastly the ones to help us out of it all are our mothers. I just wish every young teen would listen to their mom because that is how you avoid problems. Sadly I had to learn the hard way, I didn’t listen to my mom and now I regret everything I have done throughout my teenage years.

My mom tried to help me stay in the “right path”but all I would see was her annoying me and embarrassing me. I never understood why my mom wanted to take me or pick me up from school, or why she wanted to know where I was and who I was with. This reminds me of a spoken word piece that I watched by Kamal Saleh, “Dear Mum”, this piece demonstrates how much appreciation and love the poet has for his mom. He mentions that his mom would wait for him to call and couldn’t sleep because she was worried about him.The poet and all teenagers know our parents expect us to call to check in and let them know we are alive, but we just don’t do it. When I was in the sixth grade something weird started to happen, I didn’t know what it was at the time and neither did mom. Obviously my mother got worried and took me to the doctor, turns out I was diagnosed with depression ? That explains losing appetite, not wanting to shower, staying in bed, and crying for every single thing every day. When this happened I was 13, I was too young to be going through such mental illness !

Kamal Saleh mentions that when he was sick his mom always knew what to do to cure him, “a prescription of tea, honey, hand made lemonade”. Well my mom decided to research to find a cure for my depression, she was always on her phone calling therapist after therapist. She started taking me to these “depression groups”, I hated it so much, I always said “I don’t need this, I’m not crazy”. Then the therapists realized I also had anger issues, anxiety, and stress disorder. You can imagine what other groups my mom had to take me to, and I hated them all I would try to find ways to not go. These disagreements obviously lead to constantly arguing with my mom, and this went on for three years. In “Dear Mum” the poet also says sorry “for all the fights we had and for all those broken walls” this definitely describes what my relationship with my mom was like during those three years. The worst part is that it didn’t get any better after those years.

High school year, the “You will have a lot of temptations of smoking and having sex, but just say NO” year. My mom would give me speeches every day about why high school is dangerous, I of course never cared to listen. So as the Brooklyn, depressed, angry, anxious, and stressed girl I went to school just to go do my work and leave, no friends or interactions with anyone. That was a lie though, I ended up making friends, and not doing my work. Until one day my “friend” offered me a blunt, I was “crazy” but I was definitely innocent to the drug world. But even though I said “No” my depression said yes, I took the blunt as if I knew how to smoke. The “just try it once” became an every day habit, I definitely started to miss my classes, and my homework, I was on the edge of dropping out. My mother didn’t know anything, she still saw me as her innocent girl and still gave me those speeches. Sophomore year came by and my depression went from crying every day to cutting every day. I started hurting my self because I felt useless, stupid, ugly, fat, every insult you can possibly think of. I was in a dark hole with no escape, I thought my life was over but then I saw a little tiny light.

That tiny light was named Anthony, a guy that I have grown up with. We became close throughout sophomore year, he was always there for me making me smile, showing me love and care. He always put my desires and needs before his, similar to how the poet in “Dear Mum” says “she’s the type that would give up her only slippers just to make sure that my toes were warm”. That shows the love his mom had for him, she sacrificed for him and my mom has always done that for me but I never noticed, I was blind. I appreciated some guy instead of my mom who has always been there for me. The sad part is that later on when we were dating Junior year this guy tried to take advantage of me, I was blinded by “love” I didn’t realize that all he wanted was sex. When this happened I ran home crying, tear drops sliding all the way to my neck. I needed my mom.

The poet said “You would always be there for sure”, and he is right, my mom had her arms wide open ready to still show me love. After I told my mom everything that has been going on for the past high school years, she cried, held my hand and told me she was disappointed, but her love is bigger that she is only happy I opened my eyes. I started to go to therapy, one on one with a professional, every Tuesday. I went to more programs, and stopped smoking,”I’ve been clean for a week!” I screamed. Senior year I was a different person, clean of drugs, went back to being a scholar, but most importantly I became aware of my mom. I started to appreciate her more, for always being there for me even when I was rude to her. I would always complain about her making me do chores, when all she asked was to wash my plate only. I would go out without her knowing where, I never told her that I love her. Graduation day was a very emotional day for us, we cried of happiness that I got that far. I learned how to manage my anger, anxiety, stress and depression. In one of the helping groups, someone said “Depression is not something you cure, but it is definitely something you can control”, I can definitely say I have it all under control and that I feel great.

Dear Mom, I am very sorry for everything I have made you go through. I know I have been nothing but trouble for you but you always managed to be there with a smile in your face. I always cried for help when I felt sad without considering that maybe you have been feeling stressed and sad too. I’m sorry for not appreciating everything you have done for me, from helping me with my depression to giving me the last spoon of rice during dinner.  I love you so much and I’m sorry I never told you, when you were the one who taught me how to speak. Thank you for sacrificing the way you do but now I think it’s time for me to do it back to you. Love Karen.

Rough Draft for Assignment 1

In his spoken words “Ebonics 101”, Steven Willis has amazingly described the struggles of an African American person by combining it with his/her way of talking in a brilliant way. Steven has successfully managed to keep a them throughout the whole poem that literally portraits a clear picture of how angry an African American person is because of a long history of racial injustice towards African American people, and how passionate he/she is about changing the stereotypical way an African American person is usually treated in our society.

It is safe to say that in this poem, Steven has reached a new level of creativity and the ability to combine several great thoughts in just one sentence. The whole focus of the poem is to defend the slang language which is spoken by African American people. Steven has made it real clear that “Ebonics” is not just some street language. As he defined it in his own words, “Ebonics is the official language of the undefined black culture”. To establish his claim, he literally created three grammar lessons of “Ebonics”. The most impressive thing I found was how he connected those three rules to all the oppression and racial injustice that an African American person has been facing for over a century now. Like when he explained the first rule which stated that “any English word that holds an (in) combination, the (i) becomes an (a)”. To elaborate this rule, he gave and example of Dr. Martin Luther king Jr. This clearly proves my above claim that Steven created a strong link between the way African American people speak and the racial injustice against them. Steven did the exact same thing with other two lessons and made sure that his audience understand the fact that African American people intentionally speak the way they speak. They want to have their own identity, culture and language, not the one their oppressor “White Person” has.

To sum up, the main goal of Steven is to tell the world that the way African American people speak, it’s not just some street words. There is a whole culture behind it. A culture that represents African American people, their identity, their thoughts, their rights and the fact that they are different then “the man”.

Questions

  1. Do you think that I was able to provide a general summery of the poem in my introduction?
  2. Do you see any broken thoughts in there?
  3. Do you think that I was able to mention all the main points?
  4. Is there anything that you would disagree?
  5. I always have hard time coming up with a conclusion, how successful do you think I was in summarizing my essay in the conclusion? 

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Assignment 1

The format that im thinking to deliver is a personal essay. I feel that the essay is a expressive way for me to explain the poem. In addition I feel that writing is a format that I can go further in depth with my analysis. Such as providing examples and quoting the speaker to provide examples and back up what I’m saying. A personal essay would be beneficial for me because I like to write. Sometimes a person can explain a full thought in a few words or sentences. While for me it takes me writing a full length paragraph or page to explain a point. Writing an essay would help me analyze the poem further because I could give analysis of the poem but also add my personal insight of what was being said by the speaker. Also writing to me makes its unique because everyone has different ways of expressing a thought and what a person writes uniquely makes it there own. Furthermore writing about it makes me think and goes in depth of the poem that I’m writing about. For example going back to the text and reading it several times to share what the speaker is trying to say in my own words.

The concerns that I have often is been starting of the paper. Sometimes I have so many thoughts in my mind I often struggle with which to use to carry out my point. Also getting those thoughts down to paper. Questions come to mind of how should I start? What words should I use? It takes awhile for me to start but once I get it going then it’s gets easier from then on. The excitements that I have is doing the research and adding my own personal insight to the writing. I feel that sharing a experience in the writing makes it more unique.
The pieces of the poem that I would like to analyze would be based on dear mum of how he shares and adds the personal insight of his mother. I would like to further in analysis of what he was sharing of how is mom would have sleepless nights worry about her child. It makes a person think of there own personal life and things that their regretful that they have done toward their mom. It leaves a person thinking and also teaches a lesson along the way. So I would go in analysis of what the speaker had shared to my own life and in a way what I learned from it.
A queer love poem the analysis that I would further go into is  her sharing that her mom calling her a “dyke”. The effect that it had on her and also analyze the feeling she has when taking about her partner.