Author: kmarin353

Kamala Khan’s Diary

Artist statement

Expectations: I send through email

Pre draft: http://archive.cunyhumanitiesalliance.org/breathingthroughwriting/2017/05/22/pre-draft-for-assignment-3/

Originally I was supposed to draw and make a comic of the continuation. I really can’t draw and I felt like I wouldn’t enjoy this third assignment as much so I decided to change it. I wanted to write, but I was not sure what to write. Then while I was rereading Ms. Marvel I pretend like I was her and made the story mine. That’s when I realized I would have so many feelings and emotions that I would like to write down. I know some people still write in a diary or like a notebook when they need to express their feelings (I do that) so why not Ms. Marvel?? My audience for this project are Ms. Marvel fans or any marvel fans or just nerds. My audience should know that I tried my best to make it seem like Kamala was writing it, and I am very sorry if I wrote something wrong. I want them to learn that when they read this comic they MUST put themselves in her position. This allows you to feel somewhat how she felt when she was going through this. This also helps you imagine the story better, imagination is a great key to understand comics and basically anything. I think my audience will be able to learn this because I tried my best to make it feel like it’s Kamala writing. I want you to feel the adrenaline that Kamala feels when she gets these powers. Imagine how awesome that is !! I also want you to feel the stress she felt not knowing what to do. I did a few pages I stopped where Kamala attempts to save Vick but fails. I wanted to stop there because I got an idea, after reading my diary of three entry’s maybe you can write the rest, finish it. Wouldn’t that be fun? I don’t know, maybe I’m silly. I learned that I really love to write, I like to express myself and my work through writing. It is easy and fun for me, I also get excited to see what the readers would think. I learned that I always change my mind about what I will do in the assignment. I tried to make Kamala alive, I tried sounding like her so the reader can feel like they are actually reading her diary. I think no one decided to write from her perspective in a diary, so I think that’s unique. I learned that I am very similar to Kamala, I had the same issues she had, the only difference is that I don’t have powers. I wish I had powers, I would love to teleport and have invisibility, I would be awesome. Wait, but I don’t need powers, I am awesome already, this is something I also learned from reading Ms. Marvel. I learned to appreciate ourselves, so I’m brown, and don’t have the perfect body, and my family can be crazy too. The important thing is for me to feel happy and comfortable with myself, and I am. I realized in class discussions that no one was paying attention to Kamala’s feelings specifically her feelings throughout every panel, so I decided to give it a shot. If I had another week I would most likely finish the entire comic and make the rest of the entry’s. I would also do one or two entry’s going ahead to Volume 2. I learned how to analyze deeply what the feelings are, and how to express them through writing, and I will definitely take this with me to future projects. I just hope you all enjoy Kamala’s diary, it was certainly a fun experience. I actually felt like I was the one talking in the diary at some points, but as I mentioned I am kind of like her. This is for my nerdy fans out there. Thank you.

  Dear diary,                                                                                         Friday             

 School was just a regular day today, but something weird happened later at the Circle Q. I was with Nakia when both Zoe and Josh came into the store, Zoe was actually being nice to me, and Josh invited us to a party. I mean isn’t that great ?! Zoe and Josh are very popular in school, and the fact that they invited us means a lot so we must go to that party. Both Nakia and I are known as religious freaks, unpopular, and brown girls. Zoe is white, pretty and popular, maybe this is my chance to be just like her. I know it would be impossible to be EXACTLY like her (white and beautiful) I WISH I could do that, I would be able to have a normal life without the crazy holidays and traditions I have to deal with. One thing I have to go through because of my culture is asking my parents for permission to go to the party. I am really scared to ask my Father for permission, he is so scary and always so strict but I don’t care, I’m going to that party no matter what….

OMG my mom just in came into my room without even knocking! She almost caught me writing in my diary, she would’ve killed me if she read about me going to that party no matter what. I had to tell her I was looking at some epic stuff in the internet on freakingcool.com and of course she believed it. Well it’s dinner time, that’s why my mom appeared in my room, so this is the time for me to ask my father and I will come back to report his response……..

I HATE MY LIFE. I mean why can’t I go to ONE party, I’ve always done what they ask me to do. IT JUST ISN’T FAIR, MY BROTHER GETS EVERYTHING HE WANTS JUST BECAUSE HE IS A BOY. I MEAN ABU WANTS ME TO BE LIKE BRUNO?! HOW?! UGHH!!  WHAT HAPPENED TO EQUALITY ?! WOMEN CAN’T DO ANYTHING BUT MEN CAN DO EVERYTHING?! HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?! OR IS THIS ABOUT OUR CULTURE/RELIGION?! … Why can’t I just have a normal life ?….

You know what, I am going to have a normal life, from now on. I am going to that party. I am going to that party, I don’t care if Abu said no…….

Dear diary,                                                                                         Friday

     OMG OMG OMGGGGGG!! I’M FREAKING OUT BUT I’M ALSO VERY EXCITED! I just got back home from the craziest night ever!! I was at the party and to be honest the party was not so great. When I got there stupid Josh and his friends tricked me into drinking juice with alcohol! That was pretty upsetting but it got worse. Bruno was at the party and when he saw me he just grabbed me and pulled me away from them. It was so annoying because who does he think he is ? He is not my father, he was just embarrassing me and making me look like a child!! I got really upset so I decided to leave the party. That is when the freaky stuff happened, I was just walking back home and thinking to myself how stupid I was to even think that I could fit in Zoe and Josh’s gang by going to a party. Then I started feeling lightheaded and dizzy, I FAINTED right on a street corner. But this isn’t all, I started seeing CAPTAIN AMERICA, IRON MAN, AND CAPTAIN MARVEL!!! I was so confused. Captain America made me feel like crap, but he was right. He made me realize that I was wrong, I thought that by disobeying my parents, my culture, and my religion I would be “accepted” by my classmates, but instead they laughed at me…  Then I explained to Captain America, Iron Man, and Captain Marvel that I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to be, that I want to be beautiful and awesome and butt kicking and less complicated. I was basically describing Captain Marvel, so then she said “All right, kid. As fate would have it, you’re about to get the kind of total reboot most people only dream about. But can I tell you something? It is not going to turn out the way you think. Good luck Kamala Khan”. I was so confused but I wasn’t able to ask for a clarification because that’s when they all left, and there I was, all alone in a corner. When all of a sudden I’m trapped in a COCCOON?! I brake out and I seem to be EXACTLY LIKE CAPTAIN MARVEL!! I HAD BLONDE HAIR, I WAS WHITE, AND HAD A GOOD BODY WITH HER OLD SUIT SUPER UNDERDRESSED!! I started freaking out and puking and then I went back to being Kamala. I thought maybe the guys put something weird in my drink or maybe it was the fog that there was. But it all did happen, it was all real. So I decided to see if I can transform myself into Captain Marvel again except this time on purpose. I failed.. but that’s when I heard Zoe and Josh talking. You can tell Josh was drunk by the way he was talking to Zoe. When I heard their voice, for some reason I got scared and nervous and felt little, well guess what ? yup, I turned TINY. It was a neat trick but it wouldn’t have helped me when Zoe fell into the water. Oh yea I saved a life today. I’m pretty cool huh. Well the details are kind of hard to explain through writing, but it was definitely very interesting and awesome! Josh was really drunk he let go of Zoe while they were dancing, and she ended up falling into water. I EMBIGGENED myself back to normal size and got to help, when I was there I automatically made my hand huge to scoop her out of the water. It sucked that I wasn’t able to make it normal size right after I saved Zoe, so I didn’t look as cool when I ran away. I ran back home to sneak in, but it was a lot harder than I remembered. My brother Aamir was the first one to catch me sneaking back into my room but both Abu and Aami caught me before because BRUNO IS A SNITCH. So I got the speech and got in trouble. My punishment is that from now on I just go to school and back home, no mall, no parties, no movies. But it is not like I was able to do any of that stuff before, so It doesn’t really affect me. Anyway I don’t know what this means now. I saved a life, is it time for me to keep saving more people? I am not sure, but whatever my plans are I should get some sleep. Lets see how tomorrow goes for me. Good night diary.

Dear diary,                                                                                                     Monday

   Today was just crazier than yesterday. This morning Zoe was all over the news talking about Ms. Marvel saving her, it was me who saved her !! It’s crazy that everyone already knew about my secret but I still didn’t know what, why and how this was happening. So I did some research and I found nothing at all, it’s as if this has never happened to anyone ! Then I had to go with my brother and Nakia to Sheikh Abdullah’s saturday youth lecture. It was IMPOSSIBLE to stay focused on the lecture! I wanted to tell Nakia about what was happening to me but It was pretty hard, I am afraid she won’t believe me, she might think I’m crazy or like she said, “taking drugs” ! I was so stressed with everything that has been going on that I just decided to leave that boring lecture, I mean we aren’t even allowed to see Sheikh Abdullah! There is a wall that separates us women with him and the men, and he says that it’s for our “modesty and dignity”. I even confronted him because it was hypocritical for him to teach us about the Prophet’s mosque in Medina, and about men and women going through the same door and sat in the same room. But here he is teaching us otherwise, having us women sit separately from men because their times were “blessed” and today there can be scandal and temptation?! What are they teaching us !? Whatever, the point is we left and that’s when Nakia was asking me about what happened last night. I was thinking, and what happened to me could mean I’m in huge trouble OR I might have the the most AMAZING life from now on. I mean I get to be beautiful, strong, brave, skinny, and just straight up AWESOME. That is honestly what I have always wanted, I am tired of being me. I am always in religious things, and I never get to have fun or be normal. I am not pretty, I am brown, with dark hair, not a good body, I just.. I’m not happy with myself. So this can actually be a great thing for me now that I think about it. Sorry, ANYWAY what else happened today….  OH YEA, how can I forget. I was in my free period doing some more research about my situation and Bruno was also there but he is a nerd, he was doing a science project and talking with his brother Vick. Well as I was on the computer, I started to feel a little weird tension in my skin, it’s like a full body migraine sensation. MY STUPID HAND SHRUNK! I was in class when it started shrinking, I had to run away so no one could see me. Bruno asked if I was okay, but I couldn’t tell him so I just told him I was fine. I ran to the gym and into the girl’s locker room. I knew I had to learn how to control my powers, and I was able to control it on Friday. I knew I could shrink, so I knew I could also become a GIANT! I did !! I became HUGE and I accidentally broke the ceiling a bit. I also knew that if I was bigger that meant I was also stronger, so I grabbed both benches in my hands and CRUSHED them in a SECOND! Then I was curious if I could turn and look like anyone else, since I have turned to Carol Danvers. Turns out I could look like someone else, AMMI! I was not going for that I honestly wanted to look like Taylor Swift, Tall, skinny, blond, beautiful, and talented! That’s what I wanted to look like… not just me in an older version. Anyway that was when the coach and the girls from the team came in the locker room, I was able to change back to Kamala so I didn’t get caught as Ammi. But I did get in trouble, I got detention, what got me upset is when the coach said she was surprised that I did that because I’m usually “responsible”. You see, that’s what I am tired of, I am tired of being the “responsible” one, why can’t I get in trouble? Why can’t I be cool? Is it because of the color of my skin? I’m not white, pretty, skinny, and popular I am just the responsible, brown, religious and UNpopular Kamala… It sucks, but then my mom called me during class and starts yelling at me and mad at me, she even said I’m becoming a “Degenerate”. She is calling me CRAZY! I hate that my parents are always on top of me, just because I’m a girl. They want me to be perfect, but the truth is.. i’m not.  Then Bruno text me, I was mad at him for telling my parents about the party…but I was kind of glad deep down inside that he text me. So we planned to meet after school at the Circle Q. While I was walking to the meet Bruno I was thinking, now that I have powers I’m not Kamala anymore right? I’m a different person, so having powers means being able to look like someone you’re not? Will I choose to embrace the powers and change Kamala or will I embrace Kamala through these powers?.. I wished I could talk to someone about this, and I know Bruno would understand so I had planned to say sorry. But as I walked in I saw a guy in a mask who looked like he was trying to stick up the Circle Q! I started panicking and wanted to call 911 but my phone was dead! That’s when I realized that I am 911, I have superpowers and saved Zoe so I knew I could save Bruno too. I was unsure if I should do it, I thought..  everyone expects Ms. Marvel from the news with the hair and the spandex and the avengers swag, I am just a SIXTEEN year old BROWN girl with a  9pm curfew. I was thinking about this but that’s when I realized I had no time, I had to save Bruno before anything bad happened. I broke the door and told the guy to put the gun down and to step away from the cashier. (Oh yea I did turn blonde) The guy didn’t respond so I made my hand HUGE to scare him and grab him. That’s when he gave in and promised he will leave and never go back to Circle Q. So I let go of him and right when I was thinking I was cool I got shot, in my stomach. Bruno grabbed the phone and called the ambulance, he said “Ms. Marvel just got shot in my store”. I realized I couldn’t be seen like that, I was not Ms. Marvel. So I had to tell him who I really was, as I was telling him that I was Kamala, I turned back to myself. Perfect timing. Bruno was so shocked, he couldn’t believe it. He was super confused, I explained to him why I couldn’t be seen by the police. Bruno felt a little offended because I didn’t tell him everything that was happening to me especially since he is my second best friend. He was right and he wanted to take me to the hospital because of the bullet, but I didn’t feel it anymore. Turns out that when I turn back I get healed. Then Bruno had all these questions, until he finally asked why did I hide myself and saved zoe. Why do I do it all behind someone else’s face, Ms. Marvel’s face. I told him that at first I couldn’t control it but then I knew I had no other choice, that’s how it’s supposed to be. That the people expect Ms. Marvel a REAL superhero, with PERFECT hair and BIG boots, not Kamala Khan from Jersey City. That’s when Bruno started acting and saying weird things. He said I was the “coolest” girl he has ever met, that I am smart, funny, and he just kept complimenting me. Honestly, I wanted him to keep on going, I told him he can keep on going but he stopped. When he does that it makes me wonder if he has any feelings towards me, he confuses me A LOT. But I have a bigger problem than crushes. ANYWAY when the police was outside of Circle Q about to go in I automatically turned to Ms. Marvel, but that didn’t work out because I was still injured in her body. Bruno grabbed a sleeping mask and told me to make holes in it and wear it, I did. They came in asking for Ms. Marvel and I told them I was Ms. Marvel, of course they didn’t believe me. One of the cops told me I look nothing like Ms. Marvel, so I asked him what is she supposed to look like. He said “Tall, blonde, with big powers..” and that’s when I used that chance and showed him I have powers too. I got BIG, he didn’t seem surprised or made a big deal about it. I explained to him what happened and when I mentioned about the guy shooting me Bruno kind of defended him. That’s when I realized he knew who the guy in the mask was, his brother Vick. Bruno told me that he knows Vick is in trouble, so I told him I could help him since I have powers and all, he didn’t want me to at first but then he gave in. Now I am home looking for my Burkini because I need a costume…  I couldn’t find it so I had to ask my mom. She knew something was up so she reminded me that i’m grounded because she thought I was planning to go to a party. She even told me that she will put an alarm at 1am to see if I was still in bed. The thing is, Ammi and Abu taught me to always think about the “greater good”, and to defend people who can’t defend themselves, even if it means putting yourself at risk…….. I just called Bruno, I am going to help save Vick.

Assignment 3 Draft (Not done yet)

(ENTRY 1)

Dear diary,                                                      

     School was just a regular day today, but something weird happened later at the Circle Q. I was with Nakia when both Zoe and Josh came into the store, Zoe was actually being nice to me, and Josh invited us to a party. I mean isn’t that great ?! Zoe and Josh are very popular in school, and the fact that they invited us means a lot so we MUST go to that party. I am kind of scared to ask my Father for permission, he is so scary and always so strict but I don’t care, I’m going to that party no matter what!!!…  OMG my mom just in came into my room without even knocking! She almost caught me writing in my diary, she would’ve killed me if she read about me going to that party no matter what. I had to tell her I was looking at some epic stuff in the internet on freakingcool.com and of course she believed it. Well it’s dinner time, that’s why my mom appeared in my room, so this is the time for me to ask my father and I will come back to report his response……..

I HATE MY LIFE. I mean why can’t I go to ONE party, I’ve always done what they ask me to do. IT JUST ISN’T FAIR, MY BROTHER GETS EVERYTHING HE WANTS JUST BECAUSE HE IS A BOY. I MEAN ABU WANTS ME TO BE LIKE BRUNO?! HOW?! UGHH!!… Why can’t I just have a normal life ?…. 

You know what, I am going to have a normal life, from now on. I am going to that party. I am going to that party, I don’t care if Abu said no…….

ENTRY (2)

Dear diary, 

           

OMG OMG OMGGGGGG!! I’M FREAKING OUT BUT I’M ALSO VERY EXCITED! I just got back home from the craziest night ever!! I was at the party and to be honest the party was not so great. When I got there stupid Josh and his friends tricked me into drinking juice with alcohol! That was pretty upsetting but it got worse. Bruno was at the party and when he saw me he just grabbed me and pulled me away from them. It was so annoying because who does he think he is ? He is not my father, he was just embarrassing me and making me look like a child!! I got really upset so I decided to leave the party. That is when the freaky stuff happened, I was just walking back home and thinking to myself how stupid I was to even think that I could fit in Zoe and Josh’s gang by going to a party. Then I started feeling lightheaded and dizzy, I FAINTED right on a street corner. But this isn’t all, I started seeing CAPTAIN AMERICA, IRON MAN, AND CAPTAIN MARVEL!!! I was so confused. Captain America made me feel like crap, but he was right. He made me realize that I was wrong, I thought that by disobeying my parents, my culture, and my religion I would be “accepted” by my classmates, but instead they laughed at me…  Then I explained to Captain America, Iron Man, and Captain Marvel that I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to be, that I want to be beautiful and awesome and butt kicking and less complicated. I was basically describing Captain Marvel, so then she said “All right, kid. As fate would have it, you’re about to get the kind of total reboot most people only dream about. But can I tell you something? It is not going to turn out the way you think. Good luck Kamala Khan”. I was so confused but I wasn’t able to ask for a clarification because that’s when they all left, and there I was, all alone in a corner. When all of a sudden I’m trapped in a COCCOON?! I brake out and I seem to be EXACTLY LIKE CAPTAIN MARVEL!! I HAD BLONDE HAIR, I WAS WHITE, AND HAD A GOOD BODY WITH HER OLD SUIT SUPER UNDERDRESSED!! I started freaking out and puking and then I went back to being Kamala. I thought maybe the guys put something weird in my drink or maybe it was the fog that there was. But it all did happen, it was all real. So I decided to see if I can transform myself into Captain Marvel again except this time on purpose. I failed.. but that’s when I heard Zoe and Josh talking. You can tell Josh was drunk by the way he was talking to Zoe. When I heard their voice, for some reason I got scared and nervous and felt little, well guess what ? yup, I turned TINY. It was a neat trick but it wouldn’t have helped me when Zoe fell into the water. Oh yea I saved a life today. I’m pretty cool huh. Well the details are kind of hard to explain through writing, but it was definitely very interesting and awesome! Josh was really drunk he let go of Zoe while they were dancing, and she ended up falling into water. I EMBIGGENED myself back to normal size and got to help, when I was there I automatically made my hand huge to scoop her out of the water. It sucked that I wasn’t able to make it normal size right after I saved Zoe, so I didn’t look as cool when I ran away. I ran back home to sneak in, but it was a lot harder than I remembered. My brother Aamir was the first one to catch me sneaking back into my room but both Abu and Aami caught me before because BRUNO IS A SNITCH. So I got the speech and got in trouble. My punishment is that from now on I just go to school and back home, no mall, no parties, no movies. But it is not like I was able to do any of that stuff before, so It doesn’t really affect me. Anyway I don’t know what this means now. I saved a life, is it time for me to keep saving more people? I am not sure, but whatever my plans are I should get some sleep. Lets see how tomorrow goes for me. Good night diary. 

Pre Draft for assignment #3

On Monday (Today) I learned that writing and drawing comics are not that easy. I never realized that an artist can change the point of view of the writer. For example when we did the activity in class, my partner gave me her writing and I had to draw it and make it into a comic. When I showed her my comic, she laughed because what I did was nothing that she had in mind while writing. It’s crazy to know that the artist can change the whole story/idea that the writer had. It makes you wonder how much the writer and artist have to consult to get the ideas to connect. This made me want to actually make a comic, which is why I’ll try to do Ms.Marvel volume 2. I personally think that everyone can draw, they just have to put in effort and take their time. I was not planning to draw, I write, I love to write. I think I’ll give drawing a chance though, so I’m very excited to begin! This format will help me understand fully the process of writing comics. I have read comics before in middle school, like Zits, Bones, Calvin and Hobbes but I never really became a HUGE fan. I feel like I will after this class though, so that’s exciting. Ms. Marvel is teaching me that comics can also have serious topics and touch on real problems,

Draft for assignment 2

Most of the time smokers and alcoholics have emotional problems and that leads them to do what they do. To them, this is a way of coping with their problems, and sadly that leads them to addiction. Not everyone is aware that such “little” problems, like people often say, can lead to big addictions. Some writers include this in their stories, plays, poems etc. An example of this would be the novel, “The catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger. This Novel is about a teenager named Holden Caulfield who is going through some rough obstacles. He has failed four schools, and in the current school he is failing three of four classes, so that school is kicking him out as well. When this happens he also goes through a heartbreaking with a girl he used to date, but now is dating someone else. Holden stays out in Manhattan for three days straight, roaming around doing stupid things. The worst things Holden had to go through that lead him to do all the things he did was the death of his brother Allie, and the suicide of a fellow classmate.

In the Novel it makes it clear that Holden is going through treatment at a mental hospital or sanatorium. This clearly shows us he had some issues, and that lead him to calling prostitutes, smoking and drinking. There were times where Holden was drunk making calls, and when he called a prostitute he didn’t want to pay nothing but just five dollars. So this lead to the prostitutes bringing a man to beat Holden up. Throughout the novel Holden experiences many feelings that is not even explained in the novel because no one knows what is really going on with him. Holden isolates himself, he does not like interacting with anyone. Holden’s emotions lead him to substance abuse, and it’s just not good that no one knows how little problems to huge problems, like Holden’s story, can lead to this. The questions is why can’t there be someone as social support for those who are struggling? Maybe if Holden had a good friend that was there and supported him he wouldn’t have to use the alcohol, prostitutes, and smoking as his “social support”.

Positive relations with the person who is not emotionally okay can be a huge difference in their results. “Social support provides major benefits to the individuals and has been defined as ‘the existence or availability of people on whom we can rely,people who let us know that they care about, value, and love us'”(Sarason, Levine, Bashman, & Sarason, 1983, p.127). In the research it explained so well what we need to do to avoid people getting to drink and do every other drug way to cope with their problems. The play Intersections, originated by Laguardia students, introduced us to two characters that drink and/or smoke. Alex is in college and he doesn’t enjoy what he is studying but he knows that’s what he has to do to provide for his family. He mentions in the play that he is stressed out, so he drinks every single day, not only on weekends. Mike is the other character, he argued with his girlfriend once and mentioned he’s unhappy. He said he feels like he doesn’t fit in and that smoking and getting high makes him feel better.

Both of these characters didn’t have any social support and ended up getting the support another way. Alex tried opening up to his sister explaining he wants to change his major, but she shuts him down saying he won’t win enough money as an artist. He clearly ended up feeling stressed and unhappy because he has to work hard for something he doesn’t even want! Louisa didn’t give him the emotional support he needed, and now he is drinking every single day. Mike had his girlfriend, but they argued a lot, so in the last argument Bethany left him. Mike was a writer, and he didn’t win much, but he took Bethany out and wanted to buy an apartment. Bethany was upset because he just kept complaining that he couldn’t afford it, so Mike was stressed, and unhappy. Mike decides to smoke and get high, and he mentions that everyone tells him to stop smoking too. This is interesting because he has friends and a girlfriend, but he still ended up having these emotions and smoking to get high.

This shows me that we can have people around us that we call friends and family, but that doesn’t mean they are our “social or emotional support”. We can feel stressed, and depressed but our friends don’t understand us so they ignore it, then that’s when we do drugs and/or drink.

I still need a third reference, have any ideas ?

Pre Draft Assignment 2

While I was reading this play I realized that the topics I want to talk about are a little similar to my first Assignment. I want to connect emotions with drug abuse/drinking. The reason why I want to write about this is because two characters of this play cope with their frustrations, stress, and unhappiness with smoking and drinking. This is very interesting to me because it’s very common for people to do these things when they are not okay. It’s crazy how certain emotions can lead/control you to do things that you wouldn’t do if you weren’t feeling bad. If everyone was happy there will be no cigarettes, or alcohol. It is just amazing to me how this world works. I can’t wait to write about this.

The Prodigal Daughter has returned.

Artist Statement

  • I gave you my expectations handwritten.
  • I gave you my pre draft handwritten.
  • http://shorturl.at/aoAC4  (Rough draft)
  • I peer reviewed Mariela and Ayana’s piece.

My audience for this piece is mainly teens, but it can also go to anyone really. I want my readers to know that this is a person story, and that they might be able to connect to it. I want them to learn that mothers are a gift we have and we must learn how to appreciate it. I also want them to learn that many things can happen through life, but in the end it always makes you a better person. I honestly never thought I would be able to share my piece in front of the class, but I did. I truly believe they will learn this because every teenager goes through something, and a lot of people have been going through the depression face lately. Even if you are not going through any of these problems, everyone has problems with their parents. Something that I have is the poem in the end, a letter to my mom saying sorry. I also brought in a very deep personal assignment. I don’t think anyone did the letter towards the end for their mom, I got the idea from the “Dear Mum”. Something that I learned about myself while doing this is that I love to write. I never thought I would have fun writing, I also learned that I am able to share my story with the public. I would like to learn how to memorize my work and be able to present it. I was really nervous went I presented, I practiced but once I was standing in front of the class my mind went blank. Class discussions helped me write my piece because it got me really excited having the opportunity to write and share with my peers. Also being able to write it the way I wanted to was a great point. Like one of my classmates said, in high school poetry is just reading things like Shakespeare. This class actually got me into the spoken word, I didn’t know that YouTube had videos of this. I also didn’t know that poetry can be so interesting, deep, and fun to look at. If I had another week I probably would have practiced more to present it in a very emotional way without the papers. I want to make my audience feel it, and for them to try and see if they can be in my shoes for just that moment. Just another note before anyone reads this, is that my piece is very personal and I have no intentions of making it trigger anything. I do speak about delicate topics such as drugs, sex, and mental illness. Other than that please enjoy this personal essay and I hope you like it ! Karen Marin

The Prodigal Daughter has returned

The definition of a mother in society is “a woman in relation to her child”, this is very true but to me a mother is more than that. The problem is that most of the time we don’t appreciate them. The way this works is that, the mothers tell their children what’s right and wrong, of course we don’t listen, then we do something stupid/get in trouble and lastly the ones to help us out of it all are our mothers. I just wish every young teen would listen to their mom because that is how you avoid problems. Sadly I had to learn the hard way, I didn’t listen to my mom and now I regret everything I have done throughout my teenage years.

My mom tried to help me stay in the “right path”but all I would see was her annoying me and embarrassing me. I never understood why my mom wanted to take me or pick me up from school, or why she wanted to know where I was and who I was with. This reminds me of a spoken word piece that I watched by Kamal Saleh, “Dear Mum”, this piece demonstrates how much appreciation and love the poet has for his mom. He mentions that his mom would wait for him to call and couldn’t sleep because she was worried about him.The poet and all teenagers know our parents expect us to call to check in and let them know we are alive, but we just don’t do it. When I was in the sixth grade something weird started to happen, I didn’t know what it was at the time and neither did mom. Obviously my mother got worried and took me to the doctor, turns out I was diagnosed with depression ? That explains losing appetite, not wanting to shower, staying in bed, and crying for every single thing every day. When this happened I was 13, I was too young to be going through such mental illness !

Kamal Saleh mentions that when he was sick his mom always knew what to do to cure him, “a prescription of tea, honey, hand made lemonade”. Well my mom decided to research to find a cure for my depression, she was always on her phone calling therapist after therapist. She started taking me to these “depression groups”, I hated it so much, I always said “I don’t need this, I’m not crazy”. Then the therapists realized I also had anger issues, anxiety, and stress disorder. You can imagine what other groups my mom had to take me to, and I hated them all I would try to find ways to not go. These disagreements obviously lead to constantly arguing with my mom, and this went on for three years. In “Dear Mum” the poet also says sorry “for all the fights we had and for all those broken walls” this definitely describes what my relationship with my mom was like during those three years. The worst part is that it didn’t get any better after those years.

High school year, the “You will have a lot of temptations of smoking and having sex, but just say NO” year. My mom would give me speeches every day about why high school is dangerous, I of course never cared to listen. So as the Brooklyn, depressed, angry, anxious, and stressed girl I went to school just to go do my work and leave, no friends or interactions with anyone. That was a lie though, I ended up making friends, and not doing my work. Until one day my “friend” offered me a blunt, I was “crazy” but I was definitely innocent to the drug world. But even though I said “No” my depression said yes, I took the blunt as if I knew how to smoke. The “just try it once” became an every day habit, I definitely started to miss my classes, and my homework, I was on the edge of dropping out. My mother didn’t know anything, she still saw me as her innocent girl and still gave me those speeches. Sophomore year came by and my depression went from crying every day to cutting every day. I started hurting my self because I felt useless, stupid, ugly, fat, every insult you can possibly think of. I was in a dark hole with no escape, I thought my life was over but then I saw a little tiny light.

That tiny light was named Anthony, a guy that I have grown up with. We became close throughout sophomore year, he was always there for me making me smile, showing me love and care. He always put my desires and needs before his, similar to how the poet in “Dear Mum” says “she’s the type that would give up her only slippers just to make sure that my toes were warm”. That shows the love his mom had for him, she sacrificed for him and my mom has always done that for me but I never noticed, I was blind. I appreciated some guy instead of my mom who has always been there for me. The sad part is that later on when we were dating Junior year this guy tried to take advantage of me, I was blinded by “love” I didn’t realize that all he wanted was sex. When this happened I ran home crying, tear drops sliding all the way to my neck. I needed my mom.

The poet said “You would always be there for sure”, and he is right, my mom had her arms wide open ready to still show me love. After I told my mom everything that has been going on for the past high school years, she cried, held my hand and told me she was disappointed, but her love is bigger that she is only happy I opened my eyes. I started to go to therapy, one on one with a professional, every Tuesday. I went to more programs, and stopped smoking,”I’ve been clean for a week!” I screamed. Senior year I was a different person, clean of drugs, went back to being a scholar, but most importantly I became aware of my mom. I started to appreciate her more, for always being there for me even when I was rude to her. I would always complain about her making me do chores, when all she asked was to wash my plate only. I would go out without her knowing where, I never told her that I love her. Graduation day was a very emotional day for us, we cried of happiness that I got that far. I learned how to manage my anger, anxiety, stress and depression. In one of the helping groups, someone said “Depression is not something you cure, but it is definitely something you can control”, I can definitely say I have it all under control and that I feel great.

Dear Mom, I am very sorry for everything I have made you go through. I know I have been nothing but trouble for you but you always managed to be there with a smile in your face. I always cried for help when I felt sad without considering that maybe you have been feeling stressed and sad too. I’m sorry for not appreciating everything you have done for me, from helping me with my depression to giving me the last spoon of rice during dinner.  I love you so much and I’m sorry I never told you, when you were the one who taught me how to speak. Thank you for sacrificing the way you do but now I think it’s time for me to do it back to you. Love Karen.

Assignment 1 Draft

The definition of a mother in society is “a woman in relation to her child”, this is very true but to me a mother is more than that. The problem is that most of the time we don’t appreciate them. The way this works is that, the mothers tell their children what’s right and wrong, of course we don’t listen, then we do something stupid/get in trouble and lastly the ones to help us out of it all are our mothers. I just wish every young teen would listen to their mom because that is how you avoid problems. Sadly I had to learn the hard way, I didn’t listen to my mom and now I regret everything I have done throughout my teenage years.

My mom tried to help me stay in the “right path”but all I would see was her annoying me and embarrassing me. I never understood why my mom wanted to take me or pick me up from school, or why she wanted to know where I was and who I was with. This reminds me of a spoken word piece that I watched by Kamal Saleh, “Dear Mum”, this piece demonstrates how much appreciation and love the poet has for his mom. He mentions that his mom would wait for him to call and couldn’t sleep because she was worried about him.The poet and all teenagers know our parents expect us to call to check in and let them know we are alive, but we just don’t do it. When I was in the sixth grade something weird started to happen, I didn’t know what it was at the time and neither did mom. Obviously my mother got worried and took me to the doctor, turns out I was diagnosed with depression ? That explains losing appetite, not wanting to shower, staying in bed, and crying for every single thing every day. When this happened I was 13, I was too young to be going through such mental illness !

Kamal Saleh mentions that when he was sick his mom always knew what to do to cure him, “a prescription of tea, honey, hand made lemonade”. Well my mom decided to research to find a cure for my depression, she was always on her phone calling therapist after therapist. She started taking me to these “depression groups”, I hated it so much, I always said “I don’t need this, I’m not crazy”. Then the therapists realized I also had anger issues, anxiety, and stress disorder. You can imagine what other groups my mom had to take me to, and I hated them all I would try to find ways to not go. These disagreements obviously lead to constantly arguing with my mom, and this went on for three years. In “Dear Mum” the poet also says sorry “for all the fights we had and for all those broken walls” this definitely describes what my relationship with my mom was like during those three years. The worst part is that it didn’t get any better after those years.

High school year, the “You will have a lot of temptations of smoking and having sex, but just say NO” year. My mom would give me speeches every day about why high school is dangerous, I of course never cared to listen. So as the Brooklyn, depressed, angry, anxious, and stressed girl I went to school just to go do my work and leave, no friends or interactions with anyone. That was a lie though, I ended up making friends, and not doing my work. Until one day my “friend” offered me a blunt, I was “crazy” but I was definitely innocent to the drug world. But even though I said “No” my depression said yes, I took the blunt as if I knew how to smoke. The “just try it once” became an every day habit, I definitely started to miss my classes, and my homework, I was on the edge of dropping out. My mother didn’t know anything, she still saw me as her innocent girl and still gave me those speeches. Sophomore year came by and my depression went from crying every day to cutting every day. I started hurting my self because I felt useless, stupid, ugly, fat, every insult you can possibly think of. I was in a dark hole with no escape, I thought my life was over but then I saw a little tiny light.

That tiny light was named Anthony, a guy that I have grown up with. We became close throughout sophomore year, he was always there for me making me smile, showing me love and care. He always put my desires and needs before his, similar to how the poet in “Dear Mum” says “she’s the type that would give up her only slippers just to make sure that my toes were warm”. That shows the love his mom had for him, she sacrificed for him and my mom has always done that for me but I never noticed, I was blind. I appreciated some guy instead of my mom who has always been there for me. The sad part is that later on when we were dating Junior year this guy tried to take advantage of me, I was blinded by “love” I didn’t realize that all he wanted was sex. When this happened I ran home crying, tear drops sliding all the way to my neck. I needed my mom.

The poet said “You would always be there for sure”, and he is right, my mom had her arms wide open ready to still show me love. After I told my mom everything that has been going on for the past high school years, she cried, held my hand and told me she was disappointed, but her love is bigger that she is only happy I opened my eyes. I started to go to therapy, one on one with a professional, every Tuesday. I went to more programs, and stopped smoking,”I’ve been clean for a week!” I screamed. Senior year I was a different person, clean of drugs, went back to being a scholar, but most importantly I became aware of my mom. I started to appreciate her more, for always being there for me even when I was rude to her. I would always complain about her making me do chores, when all she asked was to wash my plate only. I would go out without her knowing where, I never told her that I love her. Graduation day was a very emotional day for us, we cried of happiness that I got that far. I learned how to manage my anger, anxiety, stress and depression. In one of the helping groups, someone said “Depression is not something you cure, but it is definitely something you can control”, I can definitely say I have it all under control and that I feel great.

Dear Mom, I am very sorry for everything I have made you go through. I know I have been nothing but trouble for you but you always managed to be there with a smile in your face. I always cried for help when I felt sad without considering that maybe you have been feeling stressed and sad too. I’m sorry for not appreciating everything you have done for me, from helping me with my depression to giving me the last spoon of rice during dinner.  I love you so much and I’m sorry I never told you, when you were the one who taught me how to speak. Thank you for sacrificing the way you do, but now I think it’s time for me to do it back to you. Love Karen.

Questions for Peer Review:

1.) Do you think I mention the poem enough? If I do does it connect to my story ?

2.) Is this piece too personal, if yes please give me suggestions of how I can change it?

3.) How do you feel while reading this? Does it remind you of your mother ? How can I make it connect with my audience ?

4.) Let me know what your opinion is about this piece, and feel free to ask questions. I’m also open to suggestions.