Ashley Rodriguez
4/12/18
Professor Polish
HUT 101
Can I just be me?
No go away… I am tired just let me sleep. [person completely ignores what she says and walks in] Did you not hear me? I just want to sleep. [staring] what!! [pause] why are you staring at me. Just Stop, I ….am… fine. I am okay. [continues to stare] huh!! Ok yeah so, I know he isn’t coming back he’s gone and I can’t do anything about it. He was perfectly fine one minute and then he wasn’t. I just can’t believe that. You know I’m just scared, and I’m lost, and [pause] I don’t… [Pause]I don’t…. I just don’t know. I mean Who is going to give me that back? Why would he take him away from me? He was supposed to live forever. Who’s going to give me advice when I need it. And what if I need somebody to talk to just listen. [takes deep breath] I just feel like there is a piece of me missing. I just don’t understand… it doesn’t make sense. I keep remembering everything that happened that day. I woke up and he was in the kitchen making his coffee like usual and It didn’t seem like nothing was wrong. I mean did I miss something. [doubting] I guess his appetite was a little off, but he was fine. I mean I think he was, no he would’ve said something. so, then what happened? Like Why?… it’s not fair!! [yells] I’m just so confused…. How could somebody be so healthy one minute to then end up in a hospital bed. And then hearing the doctors say if I wanted to sign a DNR for him… my own father!… A DNR! I was just [pause] broken… Then I’m here in this house with all these people here when I just want to be left alone. Like no mam… thanks but no… I don’t want your lasagna. I just want sleep. I am fine. Then in my own house, they give me these weird looks. In my own home. Just because I decide not to wear “appropriate clothes”. It’s just so frustrating like why do you care about what I am wearing? If I want to wear sweats and [points to hair] wear whatever this is on my head as a hairstyle I can. Can I just be me? Then theirs people who think I’m rude if I don’t want to talk about my dead father. I mean hello excuse me for being I don’t know sad. [takes deep breath] I don’t even know why I’m still talking anymore. I mean can you just get out, no like for real. I mean get out I love you, but I just told you I’m fine.
