1. Does my writing fall clearly within the structure I have used, or has it become mixed up in certain places? If so, comment where
2. If my reasoning about the poem seem uncertain, where should I fix? Comment Below
3. Does each paragraph revolve around the topic of an idea, in which supports my thesis?
4. Are the sentences clear, definite and concise? Are there words/sentences I should Eliminate or correct?
5. Do my ideas meet the aim of the poems? Why or why not?
6. Is my spelling/grammar correct or incorrect? If it’s incorrect, comment ~
I really appreciate if you guys comment below because your opinion matters to me. Thank you 🙂
We all have experienced our loved ones being taken away from us forever. The five stages of grief help us learn how to live with the ones we lost. It’s a life cycle that we all as humans go through as series of changes in our life. The poet Ifran Adib made a video reading out his poem”#dearmum” on Youtube. In his poem, he was telling a story about his mom showing how much she loves him and would do anything for his son. His poem made me relate to how I feel with my Grandpa that passed away in 2012. His poem delivers a message about what his mother has done for him by showing him full of love and attention like any mother would do for their child.
Half way to the ending, Adib started apologizing for everything he’s done when he was young. In his poem, he realizes he was not calling nor texting his mom to ask if she needs anything or to have a mother and son conversation. As he was expressing his feelings his tone changed when he apologizes and promises to her to be the son she always adored. As a viewer, I related to what he was talking about as well with the other viewers. A lot of people comment on his spoken word poem relating to his poem. In which they realize they should appreciate their mom more often.  Not only his spoken word poem was super emotional, what caught my attention was the setting of the video. He recorded in his kitchen, which symbolizes as a social gathering for a family,
Not only his spoken word poem was super emotional, what caught my attention was the setting of the video. He recorded in his kitchen, which symbolizes as a social gathering for a family, his mom making tea for him when he was sick, a setting where all of our moms be at during the day. Adib regrets for not being there for his mother. He regrets not having the opportunity to say “I love you” to his mom but he didn’t. I believe many people find it so hard to express their feelings to their mother. It sucks that some people find it so hard to open up to their mother and have the relationship where they’re both are best friends. A mother would be the greatest best friend you can have, who will never leave you. Adib wrote a beautiful spoken word poem not only to get us to hold back our tears but he was delivering a message to the viewers to tell our mothers that we should be super thankful for their nurture and endless love they give us every day.
1. Your writing seems to follow the structure you have laid out for, but maybe you can separate the ending paragraph into two? You introduce a new idea and I believe you can go a bit more in depth on it.
2. Your explanation about your analysis seems good!
3. I am actually a bit confused on what your thesis is.
4. There are a few things that might need checking. For example, I am unsure what “A lot of people comment on his spoken word poem relating to his poem” means.
5. I am unsure of what the aim of your poem is.
6. There are a few grammatical errors, but I think a reading or two and you’ll fix them all!
Professor Questions
1. My favorite part of your project is how you relate the poem to yourself with personal examples. It makes me as the reader be more invested in your work.
2. I would love it if you could expand on his tone changing from being apologetic, to promising. I would also love to read more on the setting and how that is significant.
3. If feels like your audience is anyone with a pain of loss of a family member evident with your own personal example of loss. of a family member.
4. I think that your analysis would be much more powerful by having a concrete thesis that you would like to explore. I would also love to read about the changes that you mention everyone goes through in the beginning paragraph. It was such a great topic and you didn’t expand upon it!!
5. My overall thoughts are that it is a great analysis of the poem. However, I would love to read more about your own personal thoughts and ideas about the poem. I would also love to read your expansion on some of the ideas that you mention in your essay. Overall it was an engaging, enjoyable piece of literature.
1. Does my writing fall clearly within the structure I have used, or has it become mixed up in certain places? If so, comment where
The structure you used was clear.
2. If my reasoning about the poem seem uncertain, where should I fix? Comment Below
I think your reasoning was clear and straightforward so you’re good ??.
3. Does each paragraph revolve around the topic of an idea, in which supports my thesis? After I figured out your writing strategy I would have to say that your thesis was clear and that each paragraph did revolve around your idea.
4. Are the sentences clear, definite and concise? Are there words/sentences I should Eliminate or correct? At first I was getting confused at what you were trying to say but then I realized that you setted up your sentences a certain way to get your point across. Mistake me if I’m wrong but you would write one of the stages of grief then describe when you saw certain moments of that stage in the poem.
5. Do my ideas meet the aim of the poems? Why or why not? I feel like your analysis of the poem was really unique and different because your thesis was different from what was said in class. You discussed the five stages of grief using the poem and you also had your own personal connection. That’s what made your analysis strong and concrete.
6. Is my spelling/grammar correct or incorrect? If it’s incorrect, comment ~ the only grammar mistake I saw was when you said “where our moms be at” you can change it to “where our moms are at”
Maria,
I’m really excited by the way you drew this poem outside of the realm of just “motherhood” — which seems to be what a lot of folks tend toward — to talk specifically about this poem as a broader grief poem (you relate it to your Grandpa, for example). That’s a very intriguing and unique and wonderful insight, and I wonder if you would be interested in exploring deeper the rhetorical choices (such as the setting that you write about so importantly!) that he makes to talk, not just about life and love, but about the grief that often comes with it. How does he frame/portray grief? Is he ultimately being comforted/offering comfort to viewers? How does he seem to be processing grief? When does his grief become apparent in the poem? Why? I’m intrigued to see you follow up on this line of inquiry if you want to — I think it could produce a very rich and unique analysis that I haven’t seen from any of your classmates yet! You’re bringing a very unique take on this!
Keep at it: I’m excited to see what you come up with!