1.What makes you understand the PURPOSE of this assignment? Is it enough understandable?
2.Did I support the argument well enough? yes/no and why?
3.Does any of my writing/ideas/arguments seems unclear? What should I fIx? Give suggestions.
4.Did my points/ideas meet the purpose of this paper? Why or why not?
5.Does the paper go flowing? Are my ideas/examples organize?
6.Are there any grammatical mistakes? Should I add more information?
7.Is this paper easy to read? What makes it/or not easy to read? How can I improve?
8.Please feel free to comment anything based on my paper. Thank You.
There are so many different relationships we ae link to. Its either parents and children’s, husband and wife, lesbian, gays, friends and many more that I may not know. We are been enlightened by the society the way they think. We are grown worth things that’s only happening around us or in our society. I was grown in a small village my mind only knew that there are few important relations that love exist in and its parents an grandparents only. I didn’t know what’s boyfriend girlfriend husband gay lesbian straight. When I came to United States in 2011 I was exposed to all these relations people have. From the videos that we watched about #love was very intense and powerful. Both videos carried its own familial message of pure love delivered in different ways with different intentions.
According to “#Dear Mum | Spoken Word” video described his whole story from birth to death of his mom’s love to him. He shows his love to him mother feeling the guilt and regression o about how he did not realize her love for him. As he gave the example of “texting/calling” the calls he received from his mother wasn’t received yet he feels the guilt inside making the symbol of “sword” lining through his heart. He also shows gives the audience the message that reminding us about the struggles our mothers have raising, caring and loving us at all times. He had a good way in giving a message about pure love as “tea honey and … lemonade”. However, there might be people who have no love for their mothers because they have not realized what mothers have done for them and as time passes by it would be too late to “feel sorry for everything…. Sorry for the pain” and express the love you have.
According to the second video “Kay – Baby Dykes: A Queer Love Poem” perceive to romantic sexual relationships. In this video a young baby dyke who is expressing true love feeling to the audiences. She is saying what’s happened recently to her. She is more realizing her true love delivering imagery by describing “moon shone approved … I thought I tasted spring and it never tasted quite like this”. This shows she and embracing every part of herself where I think she met her true love. She is showing free love without any fear. Lastly, I think love and understanding is what we are missing in us humans today still we should respect every relation in this world.
Kira, I loved the way you made the transition from the introduction to the second paragraph. However, I would like to see the same in the second to the third because that will give more flow to your writing.
In the introduction, I feel that sometimes you are running with all your ideas, and you wrote all your ideas which is perfect. But, you need to be careful with your punctuation and your sentences need to be more complete. For example, “We are been (being) enlightened by the society the way they think.” You should explain why.
Something I learned is that we should write for the widest audience possible, so we as writers must be careful when we use words. (this is just a piece of advice, nothing specific)
Yes, overall it was easy to read. However, I would like to read more about why do you think or who do you think that are the people who does not have love for their mothers. In addition, I would like to read more about showing free love without any fear.
I liked how you by arriving to this country learned more about different types of love among people. Maybe you should think about what your thoughts were about love people can have to others and how it changed when you arrived as well as how these two poems impacted your thoughts/ life.
I meant Hira. 🙁
Hira,
This is a beautiful start, and I’m intrigued to see how you’re going to follow up on Gaby’s wonderful suggestions. I’d also encourage you to slow down your analysis so that you can linger in the examples you bring up longer. Like, you bring up the sword through the heart and then immediately move on: what would happen if you stayed with that image for a little bit, talked it through more? I’m curious what fresh insights you would generate if you slowed the pace down and spent more time analyzing each of your examples.
Additionally, I’d love to hear more about the connections you see between the two poems. I’m so thrilled you chose to write about both of them (even though you don’t have to), and I’d love to learn more about why and what connections you see (or disconnections) between their rhetorical styles and the messages they’re trying to get across.
I am soooo excited for where you can take this!!!