Comments on: (Rose-Ericka) Reflective Essay Draft #1

By: Inés

Inés — Fri, 05 Oct 2018 14:30:21 +0000

Rose-Ericka, good job! Make sure to check the rubric in order to identify the main parts of this essay. I think that you need to identify and clearly explain the attitudes towards your language(s) – it can be situational and it could depend on the audience, but as a reader they are not clear ( I did made some comments on your essay regarding this). Moreover, what are the factors that could contribute to these attitudes? (I think that reviewing the reading could help you identify several factors).

By: Malekie

Malekie — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 02:55:01 +0000

1). As far as supporting details go, I feel like they could be left in. However, the Paragraph could use better structured. The second paragraph could be broken up into two or three smaller paragraphs on their own if you make sure each one has at least five sentences. I’d say pick a main point in for each paragraph and focus on that specific point until that paragraph is finished before moving onto the next.

2). As English seems to be your primary language, your essay could potentially benefit by focusing more on how your french background has affected your ability to speak it.

3). (I may be the last person who can say this considering I outright forgot my conclusion in my own essay) I would say yes. The last paragraph feels more like another addition to the essay rather than a proper conclusion.

All in all for a first draft it’s not bad, It (as all first drafts do) just needs some work.

By: Manisha

Manisha — Mon, 01 Oct 2018 20:30:22 +0000

Overall, I think your essay was good. There are, however, a few points that you can add. For your body paragraph, you can try adding more information on the 4th question given with the assignment: "What social factors do you think contribute to attitudes that people have towards your language(s)/dialect(s)? Racial? Socioeconomic class? Cultural? Education? Ethnic? Sexual or gender identity association? Physical/mental impairment? Anything else? Explain why any of these might contribute to people’s attitudes towards your language(s)/dialect(s)." Secondly, I think you can add some transitions sentences from ending your introduction to going into your body paragraph. Same with ending your body paragraph and going into your conclusion. Lastly, I think you can provide a few more examples/details as to your experience with being an English speaker and a French speaker and how it's impacted you as a bilingual person. Oh, also when I did this feedback, I did not see any questions at the bottom so just a little heads up!